Sunday, July 30, 2006


It's been more than a month now after my marriage and I would like to share my experience as a husband regarding this issue.

Argument. The most common issue and a false believe that I had about it. I think this unavoidable and it happens to every couple. First, my false believe thought if we have less argument before marriage, then our life will be happier after marriage because we're going to have less of it. I was wrong. This was caused by misunderstanding between each other due to different aspect and expectation on certain issue. Example, the husband might express his love by spending more time with his wife while his wife might have other expectation. So, the argument begins.

Beside that, people may need some time to adjust the lifestyle and environment (if you moving to a new place) because people might fall back to their single life/couple life experience. This is also one of the factors where the argument begins. Example, attentions is still more on personal interest like work, hobbies, games instead taking time chatting/listening to the partner.

Furthermore, people make mistake because we are human, Special dates might be forgotten when time pass. Promises might be broken due to some reasons. Misunderstanding of the words/meaning while communicating. Action taken that is misleading for the partner. All of this would cause arguments. It's like dodging the rain where there is no tree around.

Sometimes, harsh word slips out of the mouth unintentionally and emotions are high. (And that's bad for health) We both had talked about this before and my wife wanted to stop the argument from happening again. However, I believe people had to be truthful to their selves and so I told her, let the argument flows. (Yes, I wanted it, although it hurts.) We invite argument instead of avoiding it because there's no point to act like clown/joker trying to twist and turn the mistake (unless some people actually do enjoy doing that). Fortunately, the argument has to end somewhere and that's where the recovery and understanding came in. I found out that, it doesn't matter how the argument start or what damage it caused. What really matters is how to pick up the pieces and put it back again. This required effort from both party and a lot of communication.

When putting back the pieces became so common and natural, thus the understanding comes in naturally without breaking it in the first place. Eventually, arguments become lesser and lesser (Theoretically. I think it can be done practically as well).

For those couples who survived argument and handled it well even thought breaking each other's heart. I believe you may found your long life partner.